Aw yeeeah. Guess who is gettin’ her MAD janitorial skillz on? Yup. I knew if I loitered in front of the Home Depot over by the wastewater treatment plant long enough, something was bound to happen.
I am on a floor waxing crew. Don’t be hatin’. I see you hatin’. Yo. Playas gonna play. Ballers gonna ball. Buffers gonna buff. Wax on, wax off, Daniel-san. Breathe in through nose, out through mouth.
So we’re stripping the wax off of the floor with one of those buffing machines – my co-waxing Home Depot-loitering Homeskillet Juan Carlos (Viva Jalisco!) and myself, that is – and yours truly was on the squeegee wet-vac. At first, we were not in a spot with direct light, and we were moving right along. No streaks. Then, we moved into an area with direct sunlight, and all of these streaks start showing up. And you CAN’T HAVE STREAKS. Streaks are simply intolerable in the floor waxing bidniss. So I says, in all my brilliance, “This is so much easier in the dark.” Well, technically what I said was, “Esto es mucho más fácil en la oscuridad.”
Oh, there’s nothing like the smell of inadvertant allegory in the morning.
Yes, indeed. I suppose it is sometimes tempting to think that this, and by “this” I mean LIFE, would be so much easier if we could just go through it in the dark. I have sometimes wished in fits of ingratitude that I didn’t know the stuff that I know. Life certainly SEEMS to be easier for people who drift through life ignorant and incurious, oblivious to what is going on around them, wrapped up in their own simple, sentimental, sensual lives; blissfully clueless and indifferent. And the more you learn, the harder it all seems.
But then I remember that if I didn’t know the stuff that I know then I wouldn’t know Our Lord beyond maybe His Name and very brief overview of the Gospels, and I would be one of those people who just doesn’t CARE that He is waiting for me in the Tabernacle, and, if it was necessary, would die for me as many times as I go to Mass.
And that’s just intolerable to think about.
I have streaks. Huge, obvious streaks right in front of the door. Bring the Light. More Light. Illuminate the streaks and let me be aghast at them. The Light compels one to improve one’s squeegee wet-vac technique, and thank God for that, because I have no interest in living in the dark, no matter how “easy” it might seem.
In ipso vita erat, et vita erat lux hominum.
In Him was life, and the life was the light of men.
I came across this on YouTube and laughed myself silly, especially after re-reading my “Women’s Suffrage” essay in posting it on “The One About…” page. Gentlemen, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE make Christmas 2013 the year when you buy your wife a floor buffer. Put a big red bow on it and surprise her with it on Christmas Morning. And, er, make sure you video it. In HD. Multiple angles would be good, too. I’m sure it will go over just as well or better than the commercial below depicts. Really. Heh.