Stop Everything: Where is this “Crab Orchard” place, and are there, in fact, CRABS GROWING FROM TREES IN THIS PLACE?

Are you telling me that there are not only inland crabs, but of QUALITY? In multiple places called Crab ORCHARD????

I am a complete slave of crustaceans.  Mud bugs, soft-shell crabs, scampi, lobsters, you name it, I’m there, with a bib on.

The mud bugs of all sorts, being so sweet, and so totally, sweetly, deliciously non-kosher are just another proof-set of God’s infinite love for us.

Love of God and other humans, and eat up, within moderation. Including pork and sweet sea cockroaches.

Yay sea arachnids! (They’re cockroaches. Yummy, sweet, bottom dweller cockroaches. Who are you to judge?)

The problem? Those New England hot dog buns.  Perfect for frying in BUTTER hot dog-type on the exposed sides.  Never seen ’em in KC nor Denver. Never. Absolutely dying over here.  Must. Go. To Maine…. But is there a Trad Mass…?

Oh my goodness there is an Una Voce Maine and I’m now officially dying over here…. They even use my absolute favorite favorite image of the Archangel Gabriel delivering the Annunciation to Our Lady, by da Vinci. Look at the look on HIS face.  Ferocious Love! Dear God give me love like that!!!

(Yep. Whatever you’re selling, good sir, I’m buying. I’ll pay cash.)

That’s it.  I’m dead.  Go to Maine, find the Trad Mass, tell them I sent you, then go have a luncheon of Lobster Rolls.  Warmed, not fried, in butter.

Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Just eat the Butter Grilled Lobster Roll. Now.




Bruce Jenner is a man. And furthermore I consider that islam must be destroyed.