August Benefactor Mass Scheduled & A Lovely Letter

I am happy to announce that this month’s Holy and August Sacrifice of the Mass offered for the intentions and benefit of all of my benefactors and supporters will this coming Saturday, August 23rd.  Yay!  Mark your calendars!

Here is a lovely and edifying letter which came over the transom today.  I’m getting my Zed on with the red bracketed comments.

Dear Ann,

I wanted to say thank you for you and your blog. Just this past Easter, I joined the Roman Catholic Church, and my life has been transformed.

Sometime last year I left the Presbyterian Church (USA) because it felt more like a Democratic party meeting than a worship service. [It wasn't a worship service.  Worship involves the offering of a sacrifice, by definition.  Protestantism is protesting the Holy and August Sacrifice of the Mass, qua sacrifice, and thus Our Lord's real physical substantial presence in the Eucharist.]  I was sort of in the wilderness for a while doing some “shopping” for another church to attend. The problem is that I had no idea what a church believed or didn’t believe. [Oh, neither do they.] There is absolutely no transparency in the land of Protestants. “Dogma” could change as fast as as a pastor changed.

I eventually started attending Mass due to a lot of seeds being planted here and there. I won’t bore you with the details (if I haven’t already), but your post where you mentioned the book “Four Witnesses” was the tipping point. After reading through that book, how can anyone deny that the early Church fathers viewed the Eucharist as the true Body and Blood of Our Blessed Lord?! [It requires utter, complete dishonesty born from massive pride.]  After that, I was all-in. [As one is when dealt the divine royal straight flush.]

Thank you again. I would imagine you have converted a significant number of people into Catholics.  [No, God does that, and it almost certainly has nothing to do with me, but probably also has something to do with the prayers and sufferings of some good and holy Nunny-bunnies somewhere.]


They pray.  God answers.  I rant.  God sighs.  You convert.   The Nunny-bunnies get the heavenly assist, as is meet and just.

They pray. God answers. I rant. God sighs. You convert. The Nunny-bunnies get the heavenly assist, as is meet and just.

 Thanks for telling the truth. [It is obligatory, no thanks required.] Thanks for your courage. [Meh. The Christian martyrs being raped and beheaded by ISIS, those people are courageous.  The jury's still out on me.] Keep writing. [Okay.] Keep sounding the alarms.  We need you and this world needs more properly catechized Catholics. [You don't need me.  You need Our Lord and His Holy Church.] I just punched in a donation. I will pray for you and I hope you will pray for me and my family. [Every day.]



Starting Tuesday Off Right: St. John Eudes Edition

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy Name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.

PATER NOSTER, qui es in caelis, sanctificetur nomen tuum. Adveniat regnum tuum. Fiat voluntas tua, sicut in caelo et in terra. Panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie, et dimitte nobis debita nostra sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris. Et ne nos inducas in tentationem, sed libera nos a malo. Amen.


St. John Eudes will always be a favorite because he has one of the most informative and explicatory quotes about what is happening to us, the Church and the world.  He simply and directly answers the question, “My God, why is this happening?”:

“The most evident mark of God’s anger, and the most terrible castigation He can inflict upon the world, is manifest when He permits His people to fall into the hands of a clergy who are more in name than in deed, priests who practice the cruelty of ravening wolves rather than the charity and affection of devoted shepherds. They abandon the things of God to devote themselves to the things of the world and, in their saintly calling of holiness, they spend their time in profane and worldly pursuits. When God permits such things, it is a very positive proof that He is thoroughly angry with His people and is visiting His most dreadful wrath upon them.
–Saint John Eudes

Here is another quote from St. John Eudes on the effect of our sins on Our Lord’s Sacred Heart.  Read it well.

The first cause of those most painful Wounds in the Sacred Heart of Our Redeemer is our sins. We read in the life of Saint Catherine of Genoa that one day God let her see the horror of one tiny venial sin. She assures us that, although this vision lasted but a moment, she saw nevertheless an object so frightening that the blood froze in her veins and she swooned away in an agony that would have killed her if God had not preserved her to relate to others what she had seen. Wherefore she declared that if she were in the very depths of a sea of flaming fire and it were in her power to be set free, on condition that she should once more behold such a spectacle, she would choose to remain rather than to escape. If the sight of the smallest venial sin brought this saint to such a pass, what must we think of the state to which Our Saviour was reduced by seeing all the sins of the universe? He had them continually before His Eyes, and His vision being infinitely more powerful than that of Saint Catherine, He could behold infinitely more horror.

He saw the immeasurable insult and dishonour it caused His Father; He saw the damnation of a countless number of souls resulting from those sins. As He had infinite love for His Father and His creatures, the sight of all those sins rent His Heart with countless Wounds, such that if we were able to count all the sins of men, which are more numerous than the drops of water in the sea, we would then be able to count the Wounds of the loving Heart of Jesus.

The second cause of His Wounds is the infinite love of His Sacred Heart for all of His children, and His constant vision of all the afflictions and sufferings that are to happen to them, especially all the torments that His holy martyrs are to suffer. When a mother watches her beloved child suffering, she feels the pain more keenly than the child. Our Saviour’s love for us is so tremendous that if the love of all parents were centred in a single heart, it would not represent even a spark of the love for us that burns in His Heart. Our pains and sorrows, ever present to His vision and seen most clearly and distinctly, were so many Wounds bleeding in His paternal Heart. These Wounds were so painful and deep that they would have caused His death a thousand times over, even immediately after His birth, if He had not miraculously preserved Himself, because during His whole earthly life His Sacred Heart was continually pierced by many mortal Wounds of love.

Therefore we have the greatest obligation to honour the gracious Heart that sustained so many Wounds of love for us. With what affection should we embrace, and endure all our afflictions, out of love for Jesus, our Saviour, since He first bore them for love of us! Should they not be most sweet to us, since they have already passed through His most gentle and loving Heart? What a horror we should have of our sins that have caused so many Wounds and such intense grief to the divine Heart of our Redeemer!

Let us learn from the foregoing example that it is not our Redeemer’s fault if we are lost. There are hearts so hard that, even if Jesus Himself were to come down from heaven to preach to them and they were to see Him covered with Wounds and bathed in His Blood, they would still not be converted. O my God, let us not be one of them, but give us the grace to open our ears to the voice of all the sacred Wounds of Your Body and Your Heart, which are so many mouths through which You call us unceasingly: ‘Redite, prævaricatores, ad cor — Return, transgressors, to the heart’, which means to My Heart that is all yours, since I have given it entirely to you. Return to that most loving Heart of your Father, which is full of love and mercy for you, which will receive you home, heaping upon you blessings.

“History, with all her volumes vast, hath but one page.”

That title is from Byron.  I prefer Keats myself, but the line was apt.

Here is part 4 of 4 of my Vendee Genocide video.  (Part 1 HERE) It was recorded on July 12, ARSH 2012.  In this presentation I dissected the events of the French Revolution and showed how those events were eerily similar to the events to that date of the overthrow and subsequent demolition of the former United States.  Well, with the race riots, the dissolving of the southern border, the influx of de facto mercenaries for the Obama regime, and also the atrocities and genocide being perpetrated AS WE SPEAK against non-musloids by the reformed and rapidly coalescing Caliphate, which owes its existence and its weapons cache to the Obama regime which consciously fertilized and supplied it, this seventeen minutes is even more disconcerting now than it was just two short years ago.

Please bear in mind that at the beginning of this presentation, I established that the French Revolution could be called a “proto-Marxist” phenomenon, as it heavily influenced, informed and inspired Marx and Engels just a few decades later.  This is why I refer to the mindset that yielded the atrocities of the French Revolution as “Marxist”.

History does indeed only have one page, so what possible excuse can any of us have for not comprehending and recognizing even the most elementary themes therein when they are squarely upon us?  And no, cowardice and normalcy bias are NOT excuses, they are personal indictments.


Repost by request.  This one is just ever-so-slightly important.

Have you ever loved someone who hates you?

If you haven’t, or don’t, then you’re missing out on one of the greatest graces in the earthly human experience. I’m not sure how one could even begin to understand Christ Crucified if they have never shared in the foundation of His Passion, what I will henceforth call “non-contingent love”. To look upon a crucifix is to look upon Love, but not just reciprocal love as most people experience it: I love you, but ONLY IF you love me back. If you don’t return my love, then I will stop loving you.

That is NOT love. That is egoism, in all of its narcissistic glory. And yes, here is where Ayn Rand’s “rational self-interest” gets smashed to dust and why her little world is every bit as disordered and doomed to failure as the Marxist world.

Let’s go through examples that everyone can easily relate to. First, the love of parents for children. Infants do not love. Infants are completely self-centered and are incapable of self-sacrifice for another. They are totally, completely dependent on others for their survival, and are incapable of feeling or showing gratitude, and beyond that will keep the people who provide for their survival up all night with no thought for their reciprocal well-being. Any yet… parents love their children. Grown adults in their prime feel such profound love for these screaming little poo factories that they would without hesitation die in order to save the lives of their children who as of yet do NOT reciprocate their love. This is a form of non-contingent love.

Even as children grow older and become adults and fall into drugs and crime and perversion, some of whom viciously betray their parents in the process, most parents report that a wounded yet unshakable love always persists. They can never, ever truly hate or be completely indifferent to their children, no matter how horrific the childrens’ descent and betrayal may be. Sadly, many children are put on the path to ruin by parents who do indeed inordinately desire reciprocal love from their children and thus do not properly form and discipline the children in their formative years.

Now you might be wondering how this could possibly apply to marriage. How could spousal love NOT be contingent upon reciprocity? Isn’t reciprocal love the point in marriage? Not according to the vows. Proper, traditional marriage vows actually STRESS non-contingent love between spouses. For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, ’til death do us part.

If your spouse comes down with Alzheimer’s Disease and in the early-to-mid stages becomes cruel and hateful toward you (as is not uncommon among Alzheimer’s patients), do you stop loving them? Once your spouse is incapable of returning your love due to some physical limitation does your love for them then automatically evanesce? The answer should be “no”. “Divorcing” a stricken spouse is, of course, morally illicit and betrays the deeply flawed nature of the love between the two when both were in full health.

I heard a very moving anecdote once about a traditional Catholic woman who was stuck in a Novus Ordo parish with, naturally, an extremely poorly educated priest. As is sadly common these days, the woman’s husband left her out of the blue after 30 years of marriage and took up with another woman. This woman’s parish priest urged this lady to get an annullment and join the parish’s “mature singles” club and “move on”. This was the woman’s reply:

Father, I am still married and will be married until the day either I or my husband die. Just because my husband has chosen to not honor our perfectly valid marriage vows and no longer loves me does not alter the validity and permanence of those vows or my love for him. Just because my husband has chosen to commit adultery within our marriage, this does not void our marriage and certainly does not give me some imagined “right” to also commit adultery. I am Mrs. John Q. Smith, Father, and I would appreciate it if you would kindly remember that.

Pow. While reciprocity in marital love is certainly a wonderful thing, even marital love should NOT be contingent upon reciprocity.

And this brings us to the true manifestation of caritas (charity, or love) in the world. We must love people in TRUTH and in HONESTY, not allowing our desire for our love to be reciprocated to prevent us from loving in ways that appear or seem “unkind”. If your toddler child is about to drink from a bottle of drain cleaner, do you not lunge at the child, yelling, and then smack the bottle out of the child’s hand – even though the child will speciously perceive your actions to be “mean” or even “violent” and then cry in anger at your reaction, which was borne completely on love?

In the same way, do we not tell the drug addict, the sodomite, or anyone else engaging in physically and/or spiritually lethal behavior that what they are doing is wrong and it is imperative that they stop even if that admonition means a reduction or elimination of their esteem for us? How is their reciprocal esteem for us even relevant at that point?

True, non-contingent love yields honesty.
False, narcissistic love is a seedbed of lies and manipulations.

We cannot properly understand Christ’s admonition to “turn the other cheeck” unless we understand non-contingent love. “Turn the other cheek” does not mean that we must allow evil and lies to run unchecked. “Turn the other cheek” does not mean commit de facto suicide before stating harsh truths, and this includes imposing justice, which is itself a fully-enclosed subset of Truth.

“Turn the other cheek” means that we do and say what we must in true charity, and then KEEP LOVING even when our love is returned with a blow, be it physical or emotional. Have you ever seen a young child get angry with his parent who has taken something dangerous away from him, to the point of kicking or hitting his parent?  What did the parent do?  The parent took the blows from the angry child, but continued to keep the dangerous item away from the child, because surrendering the dangerous item back to the child in order to appease it and stop the blows would be an act of profound evil.

An emotional blow can be either in the form of hatred, or in the form of indifference, which is the pure opposite of charity, remember. The point is, the more you love someone in truth, the more likely it is in this fallen world, and particularly this day and age, that your love will NOT be reciprocated, and then *THE MORE YOU MUST LOVE THEM* with no expectation or demand that they ever love you back.

Given all of this, consider our current political and social system. Is our culture not totally contingent upon reciprocal esteem and quid pro quos? Is not every word and every action measured by the amount of popularity it generates or maintains, with power and wealth coming behind as corollaries? Is the need to be “liked” not central to most people’s existence? No one will do the right thing or stand up for the truth because to do so would mean scorn and ridicule, followed by loss of wealth and property, and THAT is the worst possible outcome according to this horrifically perverted culture.

Oh, it hurts. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts. It hurts when your beloved is indifferent toward or hates you. But think of how Christ feels, and then realize that YOU are the one who callously and maliciously refuses to return His love with every sin and every ingratitude. Then realize that He still burns with unquenchable love for you, and use that realization to turn around and love others without requiring or demanding reciprocity.

He told us. Repeatedly. He told us that we would be hated by the world. He told us that we would be persecuted, both in macro contexts and in little ways in our individual day-to-day lives. And then He showed us by dying for us at our own hand, never for a second depriving any of us of our freedom to choose our own actions or whether or not to love Him. Only tyrants demand reciprocal “love”, which is no love at all, and is at its core, extremely cowardly and selfish. Be brave. Love. Ferociously. And when your love is not reciprocated, persevere, love more. That’s how you know it’s genuine.

The Mocking of Christ, Gerrit van Honthorst, ca. ARSH 1617

The Mocking of Christ, Gerrit van Honthorst, ca. ARSH 1617


I am of the considered opinion that Lauren Bacall was the most physically beautiful and the COOLEST woman of the Hollywood Golden era.  I could just look at this picture all day.  And the clip below wherein Bogey calls her “Junior”.  Oh, man.  Just perfect.

Rest in peace, Junior.


Hey, remember the good ol’ days when…

… every single point made herein was considered “crazy talk” instead of “current events”?

Yeah.  Me too.

This video was taken by someone in the back of the room, and there was the wailing and gnashing of teeth when this first came out on YouTube because the entire thing is punctuated by a man laughing and giggling at everything I said.  But you know, I think it is just perfect.  It is an EXACT record of the psychological state of the post-American culture: men tittering nervously while a shrill, yet oddly entertaining gorgon (look it up) who blinks with insufficient frequency tries to sound the alarm.

Recorded in April of ARSH 2012 in Colorado Springs.

Starting Tuesday Off Right: St. Clare Edition

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy Name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.

PATER NOSTER, qui es in caelis, sanctificetur nomen tuum. Adveniat regnum tuum. Fiat voluntas tua, sicut in caelo et in terra. Panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie, et dimitte nobis debita nostra sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris. Et ne nos inducas in tentationem, sed libera nos a malo. Amen.

clare monstrance

In the year ARSH 1240, the beautiful Italian noblewoman Clare of Assisi who had become a nun after hearing St. Francis preach, saved her convent and all the sisters therein from a massive hoard of musloid invaders – mercenaries from then-musloid Sicily paid by Emperor Frederick II to exert his control over the Italian peninsula.  How did she do it?  With the musloids putting ladders against the walls of the convent preparing to enter and… do what musloids do to women – can you imagine the abject terror the dear sisters and Clare must have felt? – brave Clare went to Our Lord and placed Him in a monstrance and then carried Him herself out to the walls, where she placed Him in view of the musloid mercenaries.  Clare and the sisters then fell down prostrate before Our Lord Jesus Christ, physically, substantially present in the Holy Eucharist, and prayed.  At this sight, a wave of fear crashed over the musloids and they dropped everything, turned, and fled.  The sisters and Assisi were saved.  It was a miracle.

St. Clare of Assisi, repeller of musloid hordes, pray for us.


Thinking From a True Premise on Iraq

Imbecile pundits who still can’t get their heads around objective reality are sowing confusion with regards to the overthrow of the government in Iraq.  Let’s state the obvious so that clear, logical, reasoned thinking may follow:

1.  The Obama regime is delighted to see Iraq destabilize because its objective is the reformation of the islamic Caliphate.  Baghdad is now primed to be conquered by ISIS, who are Musloid Brotherhood/Al Qaeda and have been supported and armed by the Obama regime, which is up to its neck in musloid agents.

2.  Additionally, the Obama regime is heavily allied with Turkey, which has as one of its top goals the reconquering of all Kurd territory, and a likely genocide against the Kurds.   Erdogan of Turkey has aspirations to reform the Caliphate as Ottoman-centric, with himself as the Caliph.  He will happily let the ISIS brutes do all of the dirty work in Syria, Iraq and elsewhere and will use them to squeeze the Kurds from the South, and then when ISIS is no longer useful, or excessively dangerous to him, he will slaughter them and declare himself the Caliph of the musloids, enthroned at Istanbul.  I’m sure Obama will be invited to the coronation at the
Hagia Sophia.

3.  Obama the man is a meaningless puppet and always has been.  I don’t know what it is going to take for people to comprehend that the drug-addled, sodomite imbecile is of zero importance to the decision making and strategy being implemented out of the White House, Pentagon and Foggy Bottom.  Sitting around acting all shocked that he is playing golf on the Vineyard with Valerie Jarrett’s cousin and Ahmad Rashad while World War 3 is fomenting is simply idiotic, especially after we are SIX YEARS into this.  The only real relevance Obama the man now has is, as I have bluntly put it, as an “Expendable Faggot” whose false flag assassination by his handlers would ignite the mother of all Reichstag Fires, and which I fear more and more with each passing day.

4.  The Constitutional Republic known as the United States of America is no longer extant, and hasn’t been for years.   It was overthrown in a cold coup by enemies of the now-dead constitutional republic, and of western civilization in general.  The people now running the government headquartered in Washington are malignant psychopaths who view the idea that was “America” and people who associate themselves with that system as “Americans” to be THE ENEMY.  Everything they have done, are doing, and will do has as its aim the destruction of that system and the subjugation and eventual extermination of the people who associate themselves with it.  They are, in fact, exactly the same as ISIS and the musloid political system:  convert, pay the submission tax as long as we deem you economically harvestable, die.  But by all means, please keep telling yourselves that “if we just pick up a few more congressional seats” and “get a guy Like Ted Cruz (whose wife is a Goldman Sachs executive) in”, everything will be fine.  You bet.  Any why don’t you take up thumb-sucking and hair twirling too, while you’re at it, because that will actually be a better use of your time than soaking in a tepid, sulfuric pool of of your own cowardice and self-delusion.

More Ebullient Positivity

1.  If you tell your enemy what you will never do, like say, for example, WAGE WAR, then all you have accomplished, aside from making a complete preening ass out of yourself, is tell your enemy precisely what he must do to defeat you.

If you declare that you will never wage war (who could possibly say anything so breathtakingly STUPID??), then all your enemy need do to defeat you is wage war against you.
If you declare that you will never use nuclear weapons, then all your enemy need do to defeat you is use nuclear weapons against you.
If you declare that you will never, ever strike non-military targets, then all your enemy need do is cache his weapons and launch his attacks from hospitals, schools, churches and civilian neighborhoods.

Good grief, this isn’t hard.

2.  Just as a reminder, as you watch the world descend into war and pestilence, remember, this has all been done intentionally.  The Obama regime is the explicit, conscious, declared enemy of western civilization, and really ALL civilization, and EVERYTHING that the still-braindead pundit class is desperately trying to blame on mere incompetence is no such thing.  All of this, from the implosion of the economy and the healthcare delivery matrix, to the dissolving of the Mexican border and the attendant invasion of disease-ridden welfare recipients/”voters”, mercenaries and terrorists, to the reformation of the islamic caliphate and genocide of Christians (using U.S. weaponry supplied directly and consciously to the Musloid Brotherhood/al Qaeda/ISIS via the Benghazi beachhead and arms supply depot), to the surrender of Europe to Moscow, is all completely, totally, maliciously INTENTIONAL.  If you operate or base an argument from any other premise that this one-and-only TRUE premise, then you are a deluded fool who is wasting everyone’s time with your imbecilic mental masturbation.

Don’t kid yourselves.  The oligarchs are hoping and praying that Ebola breaks out in North America, because crises are the afterburners on their scramjets to hell.

3.  Oh, and don’t mind this.  The Chinese are going to build a canal across Nicaragua that will permit ships up to 400,000 tons displacement.  This will make the Panama Canal (150,000 tons max displacement) into nothing more than a theme park ride.  And the Chinese will then own Central and South America, lock, stock and barrel.  No, really.  Everything’s cool.

4.  The more I read, the more I realize what a truly malignant and evil tyrant Woodrow Wilson was.  He needs to be in the same class as Lenin, Hitler, Stalin and Mao.  He was that bad, and his actions killed and continue to kill that many people, and the fruits of his diabolical machinations are not only still blossoming and ripening before our very eyes, but exploding into a parabolic crescendo.

5.  Time for bluegrass.  I so wish that I could sing.  It must be such a feeling of relief and catharsis to sing.

O bear my longing heart to Him who bled and died for me
Whose Blood now cleanses from all sin and gives me victory
O come Angel Band, come and around me stand
O bear me away on your snow white wings to my immortal home
O bear me away on your snow white wings to my immortal home.

Notes and Advice on How to Convert

Since everyone’s asking, and because aggressive proselytism is the duty of every Christian as commanded by Our Blessed Lord in absolutely no uncertain terms in the Great Commission, and because time’s a wastin’, here is my advice on how to go about entering the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church.  This advice will be assuming the reader is in North America.

A.) Find a Latin Mass parish that is in full communion with the Holy See.  There are two main fraternaties right now, the Priestly Fraternity of St. Peter and the Institute of Christ the King.  Here are their respective websites.  Cruise over and see if either of these societies has a parish within any sort of driving distance to you.

The Priestly Fraternity of St. Peter
(Click on “FSSP Apostolates and Locations” at the top of the page)

The Institute of Christ the King Sovereign Priest
(list of parishes on the right side of the page)

If you strike out there, take a look at the list below, assembled by the Ecclesia Dei commission.

Ecclesia Dei Traditional Mass Directory

There are more and more Traditional Masses being offered by diocesan priests and others all the time.  The blunt truth is simply this: with the Traditional Mass you stand much, much, much better odds of finding a priest who actually believes in Our Lord, in His Holy Church, what the Church teaches, and is neither a Marxist nor a sodomite, and will thus be overjoyed at the prospect of another soul entering the Church, because the Traditional Mass, saturated with orthodoxy and glorious masculine beauty as it is, is abhorrent and repellant to Marxists, sodomites and heretics.  I’m not going to promise you 100% odds, but they will be much, much better than just stumbling into your closest Novus Ordo parish.

B.)  When asked why you want to convert, begin and end whatever you say with the Eucharist and the Mass.  I want to enter the Church because I am given to understand that the Eucharist is the physical substance of God and the Mass is the once-and-for-all sacrifice of Calvary made present in time.  Then fill in whatever details you would like.  Some, but certainly not all, traditional priests in the U.S. know my name and roughly what is discussed around here.  If you want to drop my name I would be most humbled, and if the priest knows of this website, it will give him a good idea of where you are coming from and possibly save some time.  Or not.

C.) Entering the Church is a big, big deal with massive corollary responsibilities and consequences.  You don’t get married on the first date, and you don’t enter the Church the Sunday after you present yourself to a priest.  You have to receive instruction.  This will go on for as long as the priest deems it necessary, because he is the shepherd and you, little lamb, are his responsibility.  This time should be measured in MONTHS, not weeks.  You will be expected to start attending Mass every Sunday – and why wouldn’t you, right?

D.) Be certain to ask for instruction in the rubrics of the Mass itself, and how to use a hand missal.  It only takes three or four Masses tops to get comfortable with what is going on.  Be curious. Ask questions (in the appropriate time and place). The Church and the Mass exist FOR YOUR BENEFIT.  They are your inheritance.  Claim it.

E.)  Womenfolk:  Gitcha a real purty veil.  I strongly recommend Veils By Lily.  I also strongly recommend having Lily sew one of her handy dandy combs into your veil(s) so you can wear it swept-back Grace Kelly style, and so it stays in place and you don’t have to keep messing with it.  Trust me, ladies.  Go with the comb.

F.) Ask the priest to introduce you to people in the parish.  One of the pleasant things (to me) about going to a Traditional Mass is that you probably aren’t going to be swarmed and interrogated by a welcome wagon.  People leave you alone.  This is often mistaken, especially by people coming out of the Protestant milieu, as aloofness or snobbery.  No.  It is merely the fact that the reason people go to Mass is to… WORSHIP GOD, not to socialize.  Protestant gatherings are mere social experiences, as there is no real worship going on, because remember, worship involves the offering of a sacrifice, and Protestantism BY DEFINITION denies the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.  So all that is left is socializing and entertainment, punctuated by some mindless improvised prayer.  “Lord, we just… we just want to thank You for this day and for this fellowship, and we just… just…”  Anyway, simply ask the priest if he would mind introducing you around at the coffee and doughnuts time after Mass if they have such a thing, or just to some other families privately.  Once you’re introduced, you’ll have a whole church full of new friends and acquaintances.

G.)  Like every other group of human beings in the world ever, there are some crazy cuckoopants people in Traddyland.  I mean some real nutters.  You know, like, er… ME!  Just brace for this now.

Traditional Catholic and  portrait of normalcy.

Traditional Catholic and portrait of normalcy.

H.)  If you are on the pill or otherwise contracepting, either chemically, surgically or mechanically, understand right now that that is going to have to stop.  If you are shacking up, that is going to have to end.  If you are divorced and remarried, that is going to have to be addressed, and I can’t promise you that there is an easy-peasy “happy” ending there.  Harsh but true.  But remember, ANYONE can go to Mass.  ANYONE can kneel and pray before Our Lord in the Tabernacle or exposed in a monstrance.  ANYONE can make a SPIRITUAL COMMUNION with Our Lord.  In fact, you should start making spiritual communions NOW.  Right now.  Right this second, and whenever you want for the rest of your life, including and most especially at Mass.

I.)  If there simply is no way to get to a Traditional Mass parish or a priest who offers the Traditional Mass, find the best Novus Ordo parish you can.  I came into the Church through a Novus Ordo parish, if that is any edification to you.  But understand that even the best Novus Ordo parish may be … lacking.  I’ll conclude with an anecdote.  I came into the Church through a big, new, successful parish in Denver.  It was and is widely regarded as one of the most conservative and exemplary parishes in the archdiocese of Denver, and the pastor is very popular among the laity.  At the Easter Vigil Mass the year AFTER I entered the Church (so, ARSH 2008), after that year’s group of catechumens and candidates had been happily received and baptized and confirmed, the priest began his homily with the following joke:

“I want to offer a special greeting to our catechumens and candidates, now full members of the Body of Christ, soon to receive their first Holy Communions, because I know that we will probably never see most of you at Mass ever again.”

The nave, full to the rafters, erupted into uproarious laughter.  I sat there with my mouth hanging open.  I found a Traditional Mass a few weeks later and never, ever looked back.

J.) Once He has you, He will put you through the sweet, sweet meat grinder of love.  Don’t think that entering the Church is going to make you rich or perpetually deliriously happy or anything like that.  If what you need to get to heaven is suffering, then that is what is going to happen.  Believe me.  But understand that His yoke is indeed light and sweet IF and ONLY IF you surrender to it and trust Him.  He will not give you more than you can carry.  And remember, He suffered in every way that a human being can suffer, so no matter what happens to you, if you pray and meditate on His Passion, you will find your own sufferings right there with Him, and then you will realize that you are not alone because He is right there with you, and that your sufferings are how He is drawing you closer to Him, because He really, really loves you.  And that certainly takes the edge off, to put it mildly.